A great post from Fr. Erik Richtsteig at Orthometer. We all know a priest whom has "gone over the wall" or has "been thrown over the wall". I can personally count five priests whom have gone AWOL. Everyone of them was "not quite right", if you know what I mean. Three were homosexuals and two were heterosexuals, but one common theme, they could not preach and word Salvation never touched their lips. Here is a link to an article by a former Jesuit studying a bunch of "Former Jesuits", "thrown over the wall" (here).
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Going over the wall
Every profession has it euphemisms. The Catholic clergy is no exception. For example, if a priest is sent away for treatment for some issue psychological or otherwise, one might hear that he has "gone to Camp Snoopy." (These euphemisms are by no mean universal.) If a priest has left the priesthood, usually to get married, he has "gone over the wall."Last week, it was announced that a well-known TV priest had "gone over the wall." In a letter he released, he said that he had developed a relationship with a widow that he was trying to help and as a consequence he was going, "to take some time off to prayerfully and honestly discern my future." Whenever I hear something like this, my thoughts and feeling run to disappointment, anger, sadness, and surprise. I do not propose to speak about this particular and his particular situation, but rather I want to reflect on the general issue.First, whenever I hear of a priest "going over the wall", what comes to mind is a man leaving his wife for another woman. In my view, this is a cowardly and selfish thing to do. Certainly, men have left the priesthood because they are psychologically unsuited and for these I have some sympathy especially if they wait to be laicized and then are married. But to leave because they have found 'love' is something entirely different. When one is ordained one makes an informed choice. Perhaps at one time men were rushed into the clergy, this doesn't happen any more. And this choice is for life, not just until you meet a real nice gal. (Though in my experience, most guys who have left to marry have ended up marrying 'devil women'.) Most of the men who do this are like the guys who trade in their wife of 20 years for the new, unwrinkled and unsagging model. Acts of selfishness and sin (or temptation to sin) need to be recognized for what they are. Second, I have precious little patience for the apologists who say something to the effect of, "well, the priesthood is a lonely life." A priest is no more or less subject to loneliness persons in other states of life. You are only lonely if you allow yourself to be. The solution to loneliness is healthy, prudent, holy friendships, not sex or romantic love. When I hear a priest opine that marriage is the solution to problems, it always occurs to me that he is not hearing enough confessions. Don't get me wrong marriage is a good and holy thing, but it is also a life sharing in the Cross of Christ as is the priesthood.Third, even if it makes things 'better' for the priest, it won't for other people. People especially spiritual sons and daughters of the priest will feel betrayed and they have a right to. The priest's life is not his own. He does not live it for himself and his personal fulfillment, but for the salvation of souls. The departure of even a bad priest will effect in a negative way those he has ministered to. Fourth, a word about discernment. The time for discernment is before ordination, not after.
Every profession has it euphemisms. The Catholic clergy is no exception. For example, if a priest is sent away for treatment for some issue psychological or otherwise, one might hear that he has "gone to Camp Snoopy." (These euphemisms are by no mean universal.) If a priest has left the priesthood, usually to get married, he has "gone over the wall."Last week, it was announced that a well-known TV priest had "gone over the wall." In a letter he released, he said that he had developed a relationship with a widow that he was trying to help and as a consequence he was going, "to take some time off to prayerfully and honestly discern my future." Whenever I hear something like this, my thoughts and feeling run to disappointment, anger, sadness, and surprise. I do not propose to speak about this particular and his particular situation, but rather I want to reflect on the general issue.First, whenever I hear of a priest "going over the wall", what comes to mind is a man leaving his wife for another woman. In my view, this is a cowardly and selfish thing to do. Certainly, men have left the priesthood because they are psychologically unsuited and for these I have some sympathy especially if they wait to be laicized and then are married. But to leave because they have found 'love' is something entirely different. When one is ordained one makes an informed choice. Perhaps at one time men were rushed into the clergy, this doesn't happen any more. And this choice is for life, not just until you meet a real nice gal. (Though in my experience, most guys who have left to marry have ended up marrying 'devil women'.) Most of the men who do this are like the guys who trade in their wife of 20 years for the new, unwrinkled and unsagging model. Acts of selfishness and sin (or temptation to sin) need to be recognized for what they are. Second, I have precious little patience for the apologists who say something to the effect of, "well, the priesthood is a lonely life." A priest is no more or less subject to loneliness persons in other states of life. You are only lonely if you allow yourself to be. The solution to loneliness is healthy, prudent, holy friendships, not sex or romantic love. When I hear a priest opine that marriage is the solution to problems, it always occurs to me that he is not hearing enough confessions. Don't get me wrong marriage is a good and holy thing, but it is also a life sharing in the Cross of Christ as is the priesthood.Third, even if it makes things 'better' for the priest, it won't for other people. People especially spiritual sons and daughters of the priest will feel betrayed and they have a right to. The priest's life is not his own. He does not live it for himself and his personal fulfillment, but for the salvation of souls. The departure of even a bad priest will effect in a negative way those he has ministered to. Fourth, a word about discernment. The time for discernment is before ordination, not after.
1 comment:
But Fr. Erik,
What of those who leave not wishing to be married. I am one of those who "went over the wall" after being diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder. My Bishop, in concert with my Physician, and Spiritual Director all agreed it was in my best interests and the churches as well to leave.
When I annunced my leaving and the reasons for it, I received hundreds of letters of support from parishoners who said they understood. Two letters were sent to me anonymously cursing me to hell for my choice and one good friend could not accept my choice even with my inability to function with this disease.
My life is more full now(than the emptiness and anguish and pain I felt every day as a priest) and I truly feel the presence of my savior whenever I receive the Eucharist (indeed not judging but accepting me for who and what I am).
I did a 30 day retreat before I made my choice and amazingly enough God said to me in no uncertain terms: if you cannot be a happy and healthy priest then I do not want you to be a priest. I have accepted that and moved on with my life.
P.S. I did get laicized and the approval happened in less than 6 months. The average I understand is 12-14 months.
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